My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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