Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
