You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
