the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
