New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
