I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
