If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
