my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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