Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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