That's when you crack a 10am beer
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
