I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't