we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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True strength comes from lack of pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.