Dude i fell asleep inside of her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?