I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?