now i know why i became what i already was.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice