Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize