if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
