Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
