that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
