If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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