just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
