Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You smell like stripper and shame
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
