Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
