You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
false alarm. still invincible.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
