Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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