have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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