i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
