ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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