Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
