Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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