well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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