While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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