Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
