How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
