cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
