This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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