My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
