people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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