his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
