I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
