My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
