i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
