Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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