Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
