now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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