I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
