Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
