Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
