i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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