I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
