Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
