when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Less talking, more tequila
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
