I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
