I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
