So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
