They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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