Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The best revenge is premature balding
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
