You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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