We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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