I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need to rekindle our bromance
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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