i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
