You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
