Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
