he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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