I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
