As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
