he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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