Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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