hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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