Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
