we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
