btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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