i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
