I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
