i think my tv is drunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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