Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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