I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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