there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
