when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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