Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
