omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
