I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
