dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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