The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
