I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
