i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
