I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
