He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
