I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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