guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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