im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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