He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
